Thursday, September 18, 2014

My mom has cancer.

Everyone is sleeping. {silent party!!} I should be sleeping, but I'm not. Haven't been feeling well the last week and it's taken it's tole on everyone. Definitely not a nice sick person. Not that I know too many who are. Instead of sleeping I am googling and etsy-ing 'chemo hats.' Which is nothing I ever expected to do, yet, here I am. Looking at pictures thinking which one would my mom like most. Which one would make her feel beautiful when she is sick and not feeling very beautiful.

My mom has cancer. {crazy hard words to type.} I've been avoiding talking about it. Because when you talk about it it's real. And, I don't want it to be real. Not for me. Not for my mom. I want to read other people's blogs about their moms having cancer. NOT MY MOM. Not the woman who's given 30 years caring for a child with special needs. Not the woman who has spent 32 years caring for me, and we all know I am a piece of work. Not the woman who would give all her time and energy to her grandkids even when she is sick. NOT the woman who just 10 years ago buried her mother because she lost her own battle with cancer. NOT MY MOM.


We've know for a few months and at first we were told it's very simple easy lumpectomy and minimal to no radiation. She did the procedure and the doctor was very optimistic. But, there's always a but, when the final pathology came out there was a different type of cancer mixed in that can be a beast of a different kind. Rather than the basic and super normal (odd thing to say, but true) breast cancer this is an invasive estrogen based cancer that like so spread to other places. So, they recommended chemo for 3 months, and then a year of drug therapy every 3 weeks.

The prognosis is still positive and they feel the chemo will reduce her chances of relapsing down to 5%, which is very good. She is not dying. That is a huge blessing. None the less she will have little to no contact with us for the next three months. Chemo means no germs. My kids are large germ magnets. So, chemo means no kids. How am I going to explain why we can't go have waffles on Sundays at grandmas anymore? Or why we can only talk to her on the phone. How am I going to explain why grandma is so weak and has no hair when we finally see her at Christmas time?

I know we will figure it out but it's so stressful. My overwhelming world is always a little bit easier to handle when I know I'm going to my moms that day. "Just make it to grandmas." That option is no longer available. And, yes, I am aware it's just a season. No need to remind me of that. And yes, I know she is still alive and I need to have good perspective. I am all about that. And, lots of people who already know have said, "Well, we'll be here to help you." Thank you. But the honest honest truth is that a lot of people say that and almost no one will really help. We all love a good emergency, but it's staying the coarse and being consistent and purposeful that I myself and all of society are really bad at.

And, in the midst of all of this my best friend moved away. Which super super sucked. My husband is in school as well as working. So he is studying or working or at school or working or working. Which really really sucks.


My mom has cancer. I am going to need help. I am going to need people to volunteer to help take my kids. I have gotten a lot better at asking people if I can come over (Brooke) or asking for someone to watch my girls so I can go help my mom pick out her wig (Stacy), but it gets hard and tiring being the one asking for help. So if you think, I wonder if Amy needs a break? Or I wonder if Brent and Amy would like a date? Or I wonder if Amy and the kids are lonely tonight? The answer is probably YES!

Please pray for our family to be strong. Please pray for me to be strong and patient and full of peace. Please pray it will all work out for God's glory.

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