Wednesday, December 29, 2010

who am I? (the longest and last post of 2010)

that's a big question isn't it. and the truth is...

i actually don't know.

it's coming on new years and everyone starts talking about resolutions. making changes. improving themselves thru fitness, diet, religion etc... i was thinking about my resolutions and realized i can't start to change myself yet, because i barely know who i am.

my whole teen/adult life has been one where I've wrestled with my personality, and learned eventually to pull in the reins and control that spit-fire temper and my quick-to-wound tongue.

there are moments in the past that have started to mold me. and there are sure to be moments in the future that will continue to help melt my heart & shape me into the person God designed me to be. but for now this much I know:

this boy had me at hello.
no joke.
i saw him thru the window of my math class the first day of school.
i was done for.
i could eat mexican food everyday of the week.
meg ryan movies are by far my favorite. i could do a whole post using quotes from just her movies.
i can not handle crowds. Period. i hate them. i get hot and feel like i can't breathe.
i desperately want to go to France. i will go some day and quote "French Kiss" the whole time.
i can't live with out Starbucks.
i am a choleric/melancholic personality and their descriptions of each should just have a picture of me next to them. it's scary how right on those tests are.
when i see a pretty bolt of fabric i can't help but touch it! amy butler's new line here is YUMMY.
i am obsessed with crafting and creativity.
i love to be in control. guess that's why i was called a bossy-gilles all the time.
i am learning to be a titus 2 woman. this lady rocks my world every tuesday. you should listen.
she speaks truth.
i am so not girly at all. i hate tears & emotions.
BUT, you show me a movie with the loss of a spouse or child, or a child is sick or has no family. I can't stop the tears.
i have a love/hate relationship with shoes.
i have a hate/hate relationship with my body.
i beyond envy the style my friends have. check out this lady and you'll understand why.
her style is so great it makes me sick.
i would own every bedding set from pottery barn if i could.
my mother's life verse for me is:
Eph 4:32 "be kind to one another tender-hearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ has forgiven you."
i have it posted on my stove, i need to read it and remind myself daily. my mom just knew.

this boy changed me.
he is still changing me.
he showed me that i hadn't fully dealt with my anger.
he showed me that i need rest. like, it gets bad when i don't sleep. b.a.d.
i hate to ask for help. he helped me realize that i need to ask for help.
he showed me i really didn't have it as together as i thought. and, that it was okay that i didn't.
he showed me a love that is unexplainable.
he showed me that i CAN change, even when i thought i couldn't.
he helped me realize that messes are okay and no one is judging me but me.
i've often stated how strong of a woman i am and he is helping me realize i want to be a woman of strength.
there is a difference. and a great one at that.

there is a lot more to me. but i'll save it for later. i want to be more real and intend on it. i want to use this blog as a place for creativity, love, pictures, fun, and honesty.

we don't have to hide who we are. i don't want to hide who i am. i am tired of doing that. i've done that long enough.

this is me. a mess. but a good mess i think.

thanks for reading. and as always i appreciate all the comment love!

hope you all have a good and safe new years.

3 comments:

  1. I love you friend!!! I enjoy reading all your blogs- you are a woman of strength, creativity, love, compassion and soo much more :) You are such a great friend and I look up to all that you have done as a mommy, wife and friend!! Looking forward to spending 2011 with you and your loving little family! - Brandi

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  2. Hi Amy, I love Meg Ryan movies too,in fact my blog is actually called Pfeiffer Pfilms And Meg Movies!
    I hope you do get around to doing a post just using quotes from her movies,I'm sure I'd love it.
    I'm glad I stopped by and I'd like to wish you and your family the best of everything in 2011

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  3. I loved reading this! Thanks for sharing. Happy New Year.

    ReplyDelete

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